Mom'bral cortexMy boys are studying Anatomy and Physiology this year.  In doing so, they are learning all kinds of things I had forgotten about when I was in school.  After all, who walks around asking things like, “What is the smallest bone in the body?” Or what happens to a saltine cracker when you spit on it?  It is supposedly important that our children know that our saliva is 99% water and 1% stomach acid. I’ve met people that I’ve come in proximity with that I recall thinking, “Something climbed in that mouth and died from that 1%.”  But anyway…

Just last week the boys were learning about the voluntary and involuntary muscles in our bodies.  Remember learning about those involuntary muscles, like the heart?  The brain covertly sends cryptic messages to the heart that says, “BEAT, darn it!” And miraculously, it does. When we accidentally touch something hot, our brain sends an involuntary demand to our hand to, “Get your hand off that stovetop – you goober!” We are unaware of these secret conversations going on in our bodies.

This whole study has got me thinking…(Voluntarily, of course).

After having children, I noticed that there is a part of my brain that has been activated or better yet, “unleashed.”  I affectionately call it the “‘Mom’abral Cortex” and it is involuntary.  I do not ask it to make decisions because it does it on an as needed basis. There is nothing on Wikipedia that confirms its existence, but we as mothers, should recognize its existence.  I believe it is likely nestled just behind the frontal lobe, way back behind where all the intelligent things go on, making it elusive to the naked eye and the science community.  If I were a TV producer, I could make millions of dollars by simply setting up hidden cameras in mom’s houses all over the world to prove that the Mom’abral actually does exist.

A few years ago, I was flipping through the channels and found a show called “Finding Bigfoot” on Animal Planet.  Hidden cameras were set high in the trees and baskets of berries and roots were put out for it to dine on.  While the scientists set camp that night, a howl of screeching proportions bellowed forth causing all the Bigfoot researchers to experience the hair on the back of their necks to involuntarily standup. When morning came, an investigation was made only to find a massive footprint and a larger than average poopy.  The remnants only perpetuated the suspicion.  And so it is too, with the Mom’abral cortex.

Just like Bigfoot – there is strong evidence in my mind that something hairy is going on here with the Mom’s brain.  Before going to bed when my boys were little, there was often some sort of elusive screeching howl that made the hair on the back of my neck stand up.  And when I was potty training them, it was not uncommon that there was a larger than average poopy present somewhere out of place.  I never could prove who screamed with beastly-like vocal chords nor could I identify the culprit of the unsightly bodily output.  These things too were REAL events yet unfilmed.  There remains still, some very important and unanswered questions then.  Is there really a Bigfoot and most importantly, is there actually a lobe in the brain called the Mom’abral?

Once I became a mother, there have been times when my children were caught doing something that utterly shocked me.  When they were later interrogated, they claimed innocence by reason of permission, “You said we could do it!”  At first, I naively denied these accusations earnestly.  But now, after eleven years of being a mother, I realize this mysterious and undocumented Mom’abral does exist and hides deep within my frontal cortex.  It takes over in my most mentally deficient moments without my knowledge or consent.  I have tenaciously determined that this portion of my brain has not yet matured past the age of five. It sees no problem in granting permission to my children in the usage of a butcher knife to cut a banana or to view a documentary on the Holocaust.  It joyously grants approval to things like staying up all night to play video games or to eat a dozen donuts from Krispy Kreme.  It is surely my children’s best proponent in doing anything nonsensical. Evidently, the children like to ask this preschool-minded region of my mind things like, can we go skydiving or ride a bull named “Fumanchu” for 2.7 seconds.  Usually, when my well thinking cerebral cortex becomes aware of this incursion, the damage has already been done. Then I am left to clean up the after-effects like bandaging a concussion or picking up glass from a shattered light bulb.

Perhaps my properly functioning cerebral cortex, and my Mom’abral have an unspoken pact.  Cerebral says, “Look bud; I can only do so much – you can take the lead but only when I’m close to the self-destruct button.'”  And I can just hear that eager but clueless Mom’abral say, “Oh geez, Pa, could I have the reigns!? Can I? Please!?  When it takes over, my children could be caught watching Deadman Walking, eating bags of Halloween candy or running throughout the house with lit candles.

The advantage the Mom’abral has is its stealthiness.  It interjects itself when I am knee deep in a flooded bathroom or trying to remove a mouse from a glue board.  Perhaps I’m loading the dishwasher, cooking supper, separating the laundry while grading school work.  Doing all these tasks at the same time make me vulnerable to attrition warfare.  This kind of warfare is a military type strategy in which there are belligerent attempts to win a war by wearing someone down to the point of collapse.  Even my husband has benefited from the Mom’bral’s permissiveness like the time it agreed to go tent camping for the weekend. ~

Isn’t it interesting the unique and unexplainable things that occur in a Mother’s mind?  When you hear the screech of a Mom’abral cortex howling, “Sureeeeee- You can play in the road!!!!”  You’ll know; it isn’t your imagination. It truly is what nightmares of made of.

The Daily News reports:

“To the joy of children world-wide, the elusive Mom’abral once again, has evaded the science community and mom’s everywhere!”

Hope you enjoyed this fun post~

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